Being real in 2017

When I started blogging, the idea was to be less private in my head and share my journey of life so far so others may get the unfiltered light of mine, because of how quickly I was moving and improving my life with superconscious training. At the time I started this blog almost a year now, I was very excited about life again and the experiences I was planning on having. Then the more time I spend on my own again, everyday comforts sneaks in and minutes turns to hours and then days. Because all I am seeing is the big life I saw myself living as a child, I didn’t recognise or acknowledge the fear I have for the pictures in my head. The reality I choose to look at is my current one of not having enough money to pay all my bills.
The doubts and limiting beliefs starts to kick in stronger and stronger. The little and important things like having full or proper meals starts dropping off the list.
To fool myself into thinking that I’m not depressed, I started work as a self employed sales rep to challenge myself as I really don’t like selling and a 9 to 5 feels like a waste of my time and energy. After my first week of getting no at every attempt I made, much later in the second week was promising, as I start to engage instead of selling. The first two people were older business men that were taking me hours to conclude.

On reflection I view the interactions as me lacking companionship and intimacy as I have a very close bond with my dad and don’t have a habit or interests in men much older than myself. It also makes me realise that I am avoiding close relationships, as I have been distancing myself from my friends and colleagues. That acknowledgment brings with it a sudden increase of attention from males of my age and older. Current events and engagements is a certain way of seeing where my subconscious focus is.

A close friend and life coach touched base with me to see how I am and my reason for being so silent lately. She sensed my frustration and gave me a coaching session. It was the second hardest one I’ve had so far, tears were involved on my part and I felt as clear as I was before winter came. I went to the shops and got a client while waiting for the bus. I am still wondering how that happened. She is my perfect sales client. She knows what she wants and it only took one meeting.
It is a very big reminder to myself of how powerful the human mind is. With just one intuitive coaching session to bring me back to the creative genius I know I am, before the day was completed, I got a new client and I am writing again.
In my experience, too much isolation is never a good activity for me. Connection with others always have lessons involved if I choose to see them and the mental energy I send out is always going to come back. (The type of job I wanted, came in the type of client I wanted came in and the need to be heard came in from a close friend.
I am a living breathing creator weather I choose to or not.

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